In this episode of Behold Women: At the Table, Allie brings back Caitie Paprocky to talk about seasons of doubt and what walking through doubt looks like. Some of the topics we discuss are: the difference between deconstructing your faith and doubting, how to doubt healthily, whether or not doubting is something that a Christian can even do, and what the timeline of doubt looks like.
Doubt is a normal component of this life with Jesus.
Caitie shares how there have been seasons where she has doubted God’s existence, doubted His goodness, doubted the love of God, doubted His call and His purpose for her life, and doubted His faithfulness. That theme of doubt can show up in a lot of places and is a normal component of faith.
We talk through what it looks like to work in ministry struggling with your own doubts while encouraging others.
“Doubting the goodness of God was really the hardest process for me to walk through when it came to doubt. I got really angry and it was easy to isolate myself during COVID because I was unemployed for 8 months, I didn’t have to go to church on Sunday or the young adult group. So, my faith really became my choice. And for a while my response was no, I’m mad, I’m hurt. I’m angry because I can’t reconcile what I’m experiencing with Your goodness.”
Isolation makes a way for doubt.
Where is the end goal of your doubt? Is it back to God?
“The more I didn’t want to be transparent, the more I was reminded by the Lord that He knows my thoughts and He’s there to walk through things with me.”
The act of remembrance is important in the midst of seasons of doubt.
Through doubts, Job was the one book Allie clung to where she realized it’s okay to hash things out with the Lord. It’s okay to come before Him with questions, fears, and doubts. He invites that.
Doubt hits everybody, and that’s okay. It’s what you do with that doubt that matters.
In the story of doubting Thomas, Jesus doesn’t turn Thomas away; He shows him the nail scars. In typing Thomas as doubting Thomas, we can almost not see that Jesus moved towards Thomas and his doubts. He isn’t antagonistic and condescending, He starts by saying “peace” to Thomas and shows him the nail scars. More than doubt, Thomas shows us the story of faith. In response to Jesus moving towards Thomas, Thomas moves towards Jesus. And that doubt transforms into faith.
If we sit in our doubts, we’ll turn them into despair and ruin. But if we take our doubts and turn towards Jesus, they turn to clarity, breakthrough, and deeper revelation of Him.
It’s important to remember, that the circumstances didn’t change. It’s not like I walked through doubt, and I woke up with my dad there. But the lack of understanding didn’t deter intimacy with the Lord. And you can let it deter you or not.
“Even through seasons of my unbelievable anger, I can speak to His unbelievable favor. He never once left me. I didn’t walk away from him. I was choosing to wrestle through them. And God was faithful the whole time.”
Our heart posture through doubt matters. If I’m walking through doubt to attempt to prove God wrong, God’s not going to honor that. But if I’m walking through doubt saying “I know I’ve seen your goodness, but I don’t see it now,” I think God honors that because it’s an open heart to Him.
We need to figure out the root cause of our doubt. And also to give grace to ourselves, because it doesn’t happen overnight.
There’s a difference between emotional doubts and cerebral doubts.
Find a healthy community to work out your doubt with.
When we talk about bringing our doubts, we’re coming from a posture of “purify my heart Lord, give me a clean heart.” Because at the end of the day, I believe, but help my unbelief; I believe you’re good but am struggling with your goodness. And figuring out our heart posture is important. And in doubt, we have to be willing to be wrong and be willing to be called out.
